Fighting With Your Spouse #33

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Sacred life. Sacred life. Life. The sacred life. Living a life. Living a life. Living, living, living a life. The sacred, sacred secret society. What up? What up? This your boy Twain, the owner of Sacred. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Of Pearl, and Anna Johnson, the owner of Overcoming Daily. [00:00:29] Speaker A: Welcome to the Sacred Life podcast where we will be discussing life, relationships, business, the Bible, and of course, how to. [00:00:36] Speaker B: Live the sacred life. [00:00:38] Speaker A: Yes. Welcome, welcome. Why you laughing? Oh, man. Today's topic is fighting with your spouse. Quite an interesting topic. Right? Right. Yeah. [00:00:56] Speaker B: But before we jump into today's topic, be sure to, like, subscribe, share, share, share, share so that others can get this message that we're sharing about. Because who doesn't are. What? What? Married people don't have some sort of conflict? [00:01:11] Speaker A: Yes. [00:01:12] Speaker B: Okay. [00:01:13] Speaker A: All the information is below. I mean, we're on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, so check us out. All right, so today's topic is a very interesting one. And you know why we chose that? Ms. J. You see, she keeps laughing. It' you know why we chose this topic, Ms. Johnson? [00:01:33] Speaker B: Well, let's talk about the inspiration behind the topic. [00:01:37] Speaker A: Okay, let's talk about it. [00:01:38] Speaker B: Okay, go ahead. You talk about it. Let's get. You do your version, I'll do my version. [00:01:43] Speaker A: So where are we starting now? We are starting from, like, just today. [00:01:47] Speaker B: Okay, let me give the background on this. So the background story is, is that you and I, we've been working really hard to be more unified. And I don't know if those of you listening and know us, we are like day and night, peanut butter jelly. We're like the sun and the moon. We're totally just different. But we're both light. [00:02:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:09] Speaker B: And. But we've been working really hard building the sacred dynasty. And we realized we need to be unified. [00:02:16] Speaker A: And. [00:02:16] Speaker B: And actually, what was the scripture today. [00:02:18] Speaker A: That we read where two or more are joined? [00:02:24] Speaker B: Use your phone, look it up. But so we had a little. I wouldn't call it. I don't know. What would you call it? I wouldn't call it a fight. [00:02:33] Speaker A: No, it was. It wasn't a fight. [00:02:35] Speaker B: It wasn't a fight. [00:02:36] Speaker A: This. It just felt good. [00:02:37] Speaker B: Well, I was a little hangry, if I'm honest. [00:02:39] Speaker A: Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. [00:02:43] Speaker B: Yes. [00:02:43] Speaker A: That was nut rack, what I was saying. [00:02:45] Speaker B: Yes. Say it one more time. [00:02:46] Speaker A: And 2 Ecclesiastes 4, 9, 2 are better than 1 because they have a good reward for their labor. All right. [00:02:54] Speaker B: Glory hallelujah. [00:02:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:56] Speaker B: And so we've been actually doing. I think we've been doing really well. [00:02:59] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's been. We haven't. It's been. [00:03:05] Speaker B: Yes, we're doing really well. But we do see things from, we see things from different angles. I won't even say different perspectives. I would say different angles. [00:03:14] Speaker A: Well, when you say perspective because you. [00:03:16] Speaker B: Know, when you, when you look at it from different perspectives, it can almost mean sometimes for people it can be like your totally in a whole nother book. You're in a total. No other book, but we're actually looking at the same text but just from a different angle. [00:03:30] Speaker A: Almost like the KJV and the. All right, gotcha. Yeah, yeah. [00:03:34] Speaker B: And sometimes we may debate on which. [00:03:37] Speaker A: Translation my version is the NIV. [00:03:39] Speaker B: Yes, I'm KJV. [00:03:40] Speaker A: Maybe a little bit KJV 1611 version. [00:03:43] Speaker B: Yes. Okay. And so I'm, yeah, I'm. [00:03:46] Speaker A: I'm the best dying the message. [00:03:48] Speaker B: We, you know, we are. I'm deep waters and you are more. You're closer to like the, the sand, the, the beach. Right. Yeah. He's, he's be, he's before you do the dip. And I'm like, yeah, I ain't gonna do the dip. Yeah, I'm like, I'm deep waters. But anyway, so what happens is, is like having that difference with us, having the difference in personality and in. I don't want to use perspective in the way that we view things. Right. [00:04:18] Speaker A: Introspective. [00:04:20] Speaker B: No, that's not, that's not the right word. [00:04:21] Speaker A: No, I tried. [00:04:22] Speaker B: Yeah. So, you know, because we're, we see things a little bit from a different angle sometimes that impacts our communication. And so I thought you were trying to boss me around. Let's just go ahead there. [00:04:35] Speaker A: It don't impact our communication. [00:04:37] Speaker B: Yes. [00:04:37] Speaker A: It impacts her hearing ability of what I actually said. [00:04:43] Speaker B: No, no, no, no. You know why I say no? It's because communication is a two way street. And the point. If the communications is hindered on one way or the other, there's still a communication problem. So you need to take responsibility, Mr. Johnson. And we go, yeah, you need to take responsibility. Yeah, you need to take responsibility. I say that respect and love. Okay? Because we're building, we're building, we're building something. So we're building a dynasty for the kingdom of God. Right? Yeah. So now you totally get into the argument. [00:05:16] Speaker A: I don't know. You started. [00:05:17] Speaker B: Oh yeah. So you know, this morning I thought you were trying to boss me around and I don't know what you were doing now that I think that I. [00:05:25] Speaker A: Was just communicating something. [00:05:26] Speaker B: What did you tell me to oh, well, you know what? It was more. It was more than just one thing that happened, right? [00:05:34] Speaker A: It was a layer. [00:05:35] Speaker B: It was a layer thing. 1. We were both hangry because we had been fasting the day before, so we hadn't eaten anything. We're in the kitchen. [00:05:42] Speaker A: You know what really ticked me was we had some bread, okay? We had our bread. [00:05:47] Speaker B: Cuz we're eating gluten free right now. [00:05:49] Speaker A: We're eating gluten free right now. So, you know, the gluten free bread is like. [00:05:52] Speaker B: And it's a little low. [00:05:53] Speaker A: Seven, eight dollars. [00:05:54] Speaker B: And it's a little loaf. [00:05:55] Speaker A: So I had plans yesterday. I went yesterday and got some sausage. We had some eggs. Let go make us some egg and sausage. [00:06:01] Speaker B: Turkey sausage. [00:06:02] Speaker A: You know what I mean? Go to get the bread. And the bread is gone. So our son, who doesn't eat gluten free, ate all our gluten free bread. [00:06:10] Speaker B: Our grown son, our man child. [00:06:12] Speaker A: And he has some sunbeam bread. [00:06:14] Speaker B: Yeah, he had fluffy bread. Okay. [00:06:18] Speaker A: And he had food from a fast food restaurant last night. So it's like, why did you eat our bread? So that kind of. [00:06:25] Speaker B: But. And I said, you know, I said, it's okay, babe. No. What? No, I didn't say it was okay. What did I say? [00:06:32] Speaker A: You said, you said something. But I thought you said it was okay. [00:06:34] Speaker B: That's what it was. [00:06:35] Speaker A: And I'm like, it's not okay. [00:06:37] Speaker B: I said, oh. I said, I'm sorry, babe. It's gonna be all right. Yeah. And I thought I said, it's gonna be all right. And he thought I said, it's okay. [00:06:43] Speaker A: It's okay. Cause she used. That's usually her response. Oh, it's okay. [00:06:47] Speaker B: Yeah, because that's mama. Mama's okay with sharing with her cubs, right? [00:06:51] Speaker A: And I'm like, it's not okay. I had plans, you know, I mean. [00:06:54] Speaker B: This is what you have when you have two grown men in the house. [00:06:58] Speaker A: And this was playing from yesterday, what I was gonna do today to have breakfast and what I was gonna fix everything. And then, you know. [00:07:04] Speaker B: Yeah. And so it started there. [00:07:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:08] Speaker B: And so that was for. That was another angle you were hearing of the angles. Like, here she goes again, you know, saying, it's okay. Okay. [00:07:14] Speaker A: The she Hulk came out with her. That's what she. She didn't bring that out. The she Hulk came out. [00:07:19] Speaker B: Do I really look like I could be that mean and angry and she. [00:07:23] Speaker A: Hulk don't look like she hulk until she Hulk. [00:07:26] Speaker B: That's fine. [00:07:27] Speaker A: That's. That. [00:07:27] Speaker B: That's not Fair. Okay. That is just not fair. [00:07:30] Speaker A: You know, I ain't. I. [00:07:31] Speaker B: But. But he's been a little bit bossy today. You've been a little bit bossy. [00:07:37] Speaker A: I wouldn't say bossy. Well, you're just be. Just being blunt about what I'm saying or whatever. [00:07:44] Speaker B: But anyway, so long story short, we had a little exchange and we had to get up, but guess what? We sat down, we ate our breakfast. [00:07:52] Speaker A: I don't know if I like how you relaying this. You say we had an exchange. I didn't have. I just said what I said. You let it go. [00:07:57] Speaker B: Do you all see that he's not. You're not taking responsibility. [00:08:00] Speaker A: That's what I do with a lot of stuff. [00:08:02] Speaker B: Yeah, I think it. No, do. What do you do with a lot of stuff? I'm curious. [00:08:06] Speaker A: I say what I mean. And see, I think that's what a lot of me. I'm not sure if that's. But I think most men, actually, I think is most men, we'll say what we mean. You know what I'm saying? There's nothing behind it. No motives, no man. I tell her. It's like if I say it. That's exactly what I mean. [00:08:25] Speaker B: Please. You're not in touch with your feelings at all. [00:08:28] Speaker A: So when I say something, it's like, well, y' all know you meant. So. So I'm like, nah, I meant exactly what I said. It was no more. Well, I took it as. I can't help how you took it. That's not what I said. You know what I'm saying. [00:08:41] Speaker B: But you could work to be, you know, to speak my language. [00:08:44] Speaker A: No, I shouldn't have to speak. [00:08:46] Speaker B: We should speak one another's language, I think. Oh, you are so failing. You were so failing. [00:08:51] Speaker A: You need to relay on understanding my language of how. Because I don't feel I should alter my language and how I speak Twink. [00:08:58] Speaker B: We should speak one another's language. [00:09:01] Speaker A: Okay, I grew up with that. [00:09:02] Speaker B: Now, do you all see how contrary he can be? That's just his personality. Yes, that's your personality. Yeah. You know what? You know, I wish we had a voting poll right now. How many people thought you were just being contrary? [00:09:13] Speaker A: We could. How am I being contrary? [00:09:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:16] Speaker A: But anyway, how about we will put a poll. [00:09:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, we're gonna put a. [00:09:20] Speaker A: Poll below for y' all to vote. [00:09:22] Speaker B: So his inner child likes to just create a little bit of something. Okay. But anyway. [00:09:27] Speaker A: But the bigger thing is. [00:09:30] Speaker B: But back to what I was saying. We, you know, we sat Down. We still had breakfast together. [00:09:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:36] Speaker B: We. We resolved things. I said I was sorry, but I also. I could. I admit I thought it was a little funny that I. I'm like. Because I don't ever, like, get that. [00:09:46] Speaker A: And when I say I'm like, it ain't funny. It was. [00:09:48] Speaker B: I was. You know what? I'm in a new. I'm in a better place right now where I can laugh at. Laugh at myself, you know? So I was laughing. [00:09:54] Speaker A: And that's good, because she's not usually able to do that. [00:09:56] Speaker B: Yeah. So I was laughing at myself. [00:09:58] Speaker A: She was laughing. [00:10:00] Speaker B: At least. I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing at myself a little bit. [00:10:03] Speaker A: Cause I' I went 100 over it. Okay. So I'm like, it ain't funny. [00:10:07] Speaker B: Oh, you're in your feelings. [00:10:09] Speaker A: You like, you laughing. I'm like, it really ain't funny. [00:10:12] Speaker B: Yeah. And you blame. [00:10:13] Speaker A: But I mean, it was still. It was still. No, we weren't really angry at any of that. It was still just light. Yeah, it was still light. So. [00:10:22] Speaker B: Yeah. And you said, I need a coffee. [00:10:23] Speaker A: Yep. [00:10:24] Speaker B: She. Yeah, that's what. She blamed it on you. Because neither one of us had coffee yet. [00:10:28] Speaker A: But I didn't have mine. I just had. [00:10:30] Speaker B: But I'm not doing coffee right now. I'm doing. Well, I'm doing mushroom coffee. [00:10:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:33] Speaker B: But anyway, so we're talking about, you know, really, we use the word fight just to draw you all in. But really what we're talking about today is conflict resolution. Because as married people in that are in covenant in the name of God. We are. We don't fight. [00:10:51] Speaker A: We don't. [00:10:52] Speaker B: We resolve conflict. [00:10:53] Speaker A: And the thing is, the question is, how do you and your spouse resolve conflict? You know what I'm saying? Is it fighting and then somebody running out of house, storming out, you know what I mean? [00:11:04] Speaker B: Making threats. [00:11:05] Speaker A: Yeah, making threats because, I mean, holding a grudge. Years ago, that's what it would have been. [00:11:10] Speaker B: Me storming out the house, falling down the stairs. Shut up in your chinchilla coat. [00:11:16] Speaker A: Oh, did I have on the chinchilla? [00:11:17] Speaker B: Yes, you did. You fell. Yes. You fell because it was slipped, because there was snow out there, and you tried to walk out fast, and boom, the whole house heard you fall. [00:11:26] Speaker A: This is. This was years and years. [00:11:28] Speaker B: Years ago. [00:11:29] Speaker A: Yeah, years. [00:11:30] Speaker B: Like eight. Over. Like 18. Over 18 years ago. Yeah, about 18. Isaiah was about two. 18 years ago. Yeah. [00:11:37] Speaker A: So, yeah, we. But like I said, we don't. We don't have those. We don't have. [00:11:40] Speaker B: I think you learned your lesson from that last storming out event, I hope. [00:11:43] Speaker A: Yes, because we had some worse since then. Since that time. But, yeah, the question is, like, do you argue with your spouse? Are y' all able to sit and have discussions about it? You know, I mean, rationally, after your wife calms down. [00:11:57] Speaker B: See that jab? [00:12:00] Speaker A: But now, seriously, are you. Are you both able to just sit and talk about it? Have a conversation about it? Yeah. I mean, yeah. [00:12:07] Speaker B: And I think both of us need to work on being slow to speak and quick to listen, and that's part of that conflict resolution. [00:12:15] Speaker A: I know you're gonna sound contrary, but I really think that I am great. Listen, I mean, really hear me out. I think I am really great with that. Slow to speak when things are said to me, because what do I usually do? [00:12:26] Speaker B: I pause, listen when I think about. [00:12:27] Speaker A: It, and I usually ask a question. [00:12:29] Speaker B: Do you realize what you're doing right now? No, I don't. Listen, you have not been taking hardly any. No, let see, Slow to speak. Slow to speak. Okay. No, no, no. I got the mic right now. Okay. So, you know, you're not taking responsibility. We're talking about conflict resolution right now. You're not. You're making. It sounds like from a female perspective, is that you're making excuses for everything you do, and you're patting yourself on your on instead of actually taking some responsibility. Are we not one. If I have an issue? If I have an issue, do you not have an issue? [00:13:06] Speaker A: And real quick, like, what we're doing right now, this is honestly how we do it when we. I mean, we don't fight. We seriously sit and talk like this. You know what I mean? [00:13:14] Speaker B: So it's a little bit of a. [00:13:15] Speaker A: Tango back and forth about it, and it's like, I'll try to explain things, she'll explain things, and finally we come to agreement about. [00:13:23] Speaker B: Because at the end of the day, in the beginning of the day, what matters? What matters? [00:13:28] Speaker A: I don't know if it sounds like a trick question. [00:13:30] Speaker B: Answer the question. What really matters? [00:13:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:33] Speaker B: Yes. [00:13:34] Speaker A: Okay. [00:13:35] Speaker B: But are the vision, right, the covenant. [00:13:38] Speaker A: Why we're originally doing all of it, right? I mean, so we have to come together for. [00:13:43] Speaker B: It's all about the covenant. It's all about. It's all about honoring God in marriage, right? And in the in. And we're really focusing on leaving kingdom generational wealth. [00:13:55] Speaker A: Right? [00:13:55] Speaker B: So you cannot do that unless, you know, you're keeping the scripture we're talking about. [00:14:00] Speaker A: Right? [00:14:01] Speaker B: You know, it starts with marriage is the foundation a marriage Built upon the word of God. Built and that is intertwined, that God has joined together. That actually is where that wealth, that kingdom wealth is able to come out of. I mean, you can leave your children all kinds of wealth, but if they don't have a good foundational point. [00:14:21] Speaker A: And the thing is how. What are they spiritually, what are they being taught or what are they. Yeah, what do they see? [00:14:27] Speaker B: What are they absorbing? [00:14:28] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? Because you could be teaching your kids different things of how they should be all the time, but if you're constantly fighting and they seeing all this bickering and everything between you all, what are you really teaching them? You know what I'm saying? Because it's not going to stick. They're going to go by their hands on pretty much. [00:14:46] Speaker B: Right. So, you know, you don't have to fight. Let's, you know, as the sacred life is not about necessarily fighting. It's about resolving conflict and coming into unity. So the world, you know, worldly perspective would be to fight, to fuss like that hot and, you know, the hot and cold and all of that. And what we do is we do everything in love. And sometimes I do get. I'm very passionate, very and very passionate, very, very passionate about, about, you know, what the word of God says. And sometimes I will be quick to ready to slice and dice with the iron sharps, iron sharpens, iron situation. [00:15:25] Speaker A: And I'm like, chill. It wasn't even that deep. [00:15:27] Speaker B: And I'm like, no, it was that deep. It was that deep. It's always deep for me, for the most part. Yeah. But I think we're a good balance. [00:15:35] Speaker A: Yeah, we are. [00:15:36] Speaker B: Or all of the children would have been drowned. They would have drowned in the deep end. [00:15:39] Speaker A: You need a little bit of jelly with your peanut butter. That's what makes the sandwich good. You know what I mean? [00:15:43] Speaker B: Oh, you're a lot of jelly. [00:15:44] Speaker A: You need a little bit of syrup on your pancakes. [00:15:46] Speaker B: You're a lot of syrup. [00:15:48] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:15:49] Speaker B: You said a little. [00:15:50] Speaker A: A little lot. Yeah, but that's what makes the sandwich of the pancakes good. [00:15:55] Speaker B: You like a sloppy balance. Yeah. You like a sloppy peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Hey, it's mostly jelly. [00:16:01] Speaker A: This what it is. [00:16:02] Speaker B: But anyway. All right, so let's talk about it. Okay, Mr. Sacred Apparel, we were saying. [00:16:07] Speaker A: We were talking about being slow to speak. That's who we left off at. And so. Yeah, she's right. You have to be slow to speak. I mean, even if this, like. Who was that? What was that? I said I learned actually I got it from my dad. It's two things. Asking questions. And so it's like when someone says something you don't understand. Ask a question. Oh, it was Cat Williams. The Cat Williams interview. And I said, watching Cat Williams do his interview, it taught me that he really is a definition of think before you speak. Because if you watch when Shannon Sharp asks him a question, he sit there, he take his time, reach out, he take a drink, he put it back. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, that's honestly how. It's like, what's to rush to answer something. [00:17:00] Speaker B: Lord hallelujah. [00:17:01] Speaker A: Like, just take your time. [00:17:02] Speaker B: Well, you know where that comes from, though? That comes from the culture. The American. American culture in particular. It's in the. That's. There's that pressure. There's that pressure in the atmosphere to like. Yeah, move, move, move, move, move. Yeah. [00:17:16] Speaker A: Really take your time. Before you say anything, before you do stuff. [00:17:18] Speaker B: I think we both slow down. [00:17:20] Speaker A: And if you don't understand, instead of instantly retaliating. Ask a question. Ask a question. [00:17:27] Speaker B: Well, retaliation. I don't know about that word. [00:17:31] Speaker A: I said retaliate. But before you respond. [00:17:33] Speaker B: Yes. Not retaliate. [00:17:34] Speaker A: Not retaliate. Before you. [00:17:35] Speaker B: The other r word. [00:17:36] Speaker A: Retaliate. [00:17:37] Speaker B: Yes, you did. [00:17:37] Speaker A: Okay, I got you respond. [00:17:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:39] Speaker A: Before you respond hastily. Because a lot of times if we respond hastily, it's not. [00:17:46] Speaker B: It's not going to be. It may. It most likely is not refined because. [00:17:49] Speaker A: You said be out of defense. [00:17:51] Speaker B: Right. So it's most likely it's not going to be refined, meaning purified. So as children of God, we have to make sure that when we're responding to things that provoke our emotions, that we refine it before it comes out of us. [00:18:07] Speaker A: Right, right. [00:18:08] Speaker B: Got to get to that sacred place. [00:18:10] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:10] Speaker B: We're always speaking in love. And, you know, I was actually trying to encourage you this morning, and you were like, no, it's not. All right. With the. With the bread. Like, I'm trying to. Like, I'm trying. I was trying to make you feel better. I'm like, it's. [00:18:27] Speaker A: I heard a whole nother thing. I heard what you. You know what? That's it. I heard what you usually say. [00:18:32] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:18:33] Speaker A: And instantly responded. [00:18:34] Speaker B: I wonder if the devil was in your ear right there. [00:18:37] Speaker A: Probably. [00:18:37] Speaker B: Yeah. Because I did not say that, but I was trying to make you feel better. And I was like, I'm sorry, babe. [00:18:42] Speaker A: She was making me feel. Did I have the bread in my hand trying. [00:18:45] Speaker B: I said. I said, I'm sorry, babe. Here we've got some tortillas that we can use. And you were like, you're like, it's. [00:18:52] Speaker A: Not like, how you gonna offer me a tortilla when I was in the mood for a sandwich with bread. [00:18:59] Speaker B: And I think you need to go on another fast. But anyway, so let's talk about this. Let's talk about. So, Mr. Sacred Apparel. With, you know, with con. With Do. Do me. Should married people, children of God fight in marriage? [00:19:19] Speaker A: They shouldn't fight. [00:19:20] Speaker B: So what is it? So what is the sacred life? What. What is the sacred life when it comes to conflict. [00:19:28] Speaker A: Discussion, you know, I mean, bringing it to the table. Yeah, talk it out. [00:19:31] Speaker B: But what's the goal? What's the goal? [00:19:34] Speaker A: Coming to a common. Whatever the word is unity. Oh, that's not what I was looking for. [00:19:40] Speaker B: Common ground coming. [00:19:42] Speaker A: No, it's another word to a common. What's the word? I don't know. [00:19:46] Speaker B: Perspective. [00:19:47] Speaker A: Perspective. Yeah. [00:19:49] Speaker B: Well, I'm thinking, See, I'm thinking that the, the. Really. [00:19:53] Speaker A: But if it's a common. [00:19:54] Speaker B: The goal is. And honestly, we all need to work on this. Go. I'm sorry. [00:19:58] Speaker A: I say if you're coming to a commerce perspective, it really is unity at the same time. [00:20:02] Speaker B: Yes. [00:20:02] Speaker A: So. [00:20:03] Speaker B: Yeah, but sometimes you're not going to be able to come to a common. [00:20:05] Speaker A: Perspective and agree to disagree. [00:20:08] Speaker B: That. But that's what I'm saying. [00:20:09] Speaker A: We've done that before. We've left it. We like. [00:20:11] Speaker B: Oh, no, I went to the prayer closet. [00:20:14] Speaker A: Well, well, we still agreed to disagree. [00:20:16] Speaker B: I agreed to leave you alone. [00:20:18] Speaker A: No, I agreed to disagree. [00:20:19] Speaker B: Well, exactly. We didn't come to a common perspective. [00:20:23] Speaker A: But we agreed to disagree. That's being. [00:20:26] Speaker B: I didn't agree to disagree with you. I just went to the prayer closet. But any. Anyway. But the thing is, is that. And I think, you know, part of the sacred life perspective is, is that we keep the vision in front of us. And the vision always trumps any conflict. [00:20:44] Speaker A: Right. Facts. [00:20:45] Speaker B: And so, you know, in marriage, you first, you spend a lot of time being unified in the vision of your marriage and your family and where. Because you guys are in the same vehicle, you're in the same car, you, you cannot get anywhere if you're fighting. Both people are grabbing the steering wheel and saying, no, we're going this way. No, we're going that way. You have to drive in the same direction. [00:21:08] Speaker A: Right. [00:21:09] Speaker B: Or, you know, maybe your spouse is driving the vehicle, but you're sitting in the passenger seat and you're throwing a fit and you're yelling and you're cussing and you're throwing, you know, things at the driver. That's some reckless driving right there. Right, right. [00:21:24] Speaker A: Just like that. I know everybody's seeing the video of the girl screaming on the dude at the airport. You mean, he's just sitting there. She's just screaming at him. You know, I mean, and it's hard at times, but that's what you have to do is just listen sometimes. Just listen. I don't know if you had earbuds it or what, but yeah, I mean, just listen. And then it's like after, like, Babe, you know what? And say your piece. [00:21:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. So I'm just thinking here, so fighting. Fighting. What was. So what was our. We're just talking about. [00:22:01] Speaker A: Yeah, we're just talking. It's pretty much about fighting. It's like, how do you resolve it? How do you. [00:22:04] Speaker B: Well, the thing is, I would say don't fight. [00:22:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:08] Speaker B: Work really hard not to fight. Work really hard to change. You know, a lot of us grew up. I grew up in a fighting household. [00:22:14] Speaker A: That's what I was gonna say. I said, you're saying. You say, don't fight, but is it really that easy to just tell them? [00:22:19] Speaker B: Well, that's. [00:22:20] Speaker A: Fight. [00:22:20] Speaker B: Well, that's what I was. I was building. [00:22:21] Speaker A: I know that's how I said. I was about to say. [00:22:22] Speaker B: Yeah. So, yeah, don't fight. Work hard to get that perspective, that mindset out of your mind, you know? You know, like I said, I was. I was raised in a fighting household. And you weren't. Your fight, the fighting that you saw was very probably silent and quiet. Like, it wasn't outwardly, Right? [00:22:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:42] Speaker B: Yeah. And so when we first got together, I was ready to fight, and you were like, well, we'll just sit down and talk about it. And I thought, well, like, we're not gonna. Like, I'm not gonna have to throw a fit and this and that. And you were like, no, let's just sit down and talk about it. [00:23:01] Speaker A: And, you know, somebody contrary to you. [00:23:03] Speaker B: Oh, that was, like, 20 plus years ago. Okay. [00:23:06] Speaker A: Still the same person. [00:23:08] Speaker B: Yeah, that's when. When you were really trying to, like, impress me. I told you that's what I was really. You were really trying to impress me, Right? Okay. [00:23:18] Speaker A: I still do. [00:23:19] Speaker B: That was, like, the first part of our relationship. [00:23:21] Speaker A: Yeah, I still do. [00:23:23] Speaker B: Okay. Whatever. Okay, but are you blushing? [00:23:27] Speaker A: Look like you blush. [00:23:28] Speaker B: You need to stop flirting with me on camera. Okay. [00:23:31] Speaker A: Okay. She lost a candle. [00:23:36] Speaker B: You like to fight because you. You like the attention. That's All. I'm gonna bet there I'm, you know. [00:23:40] Speaker A: Make up your mind. You confusing the people you just said. I like that. [00:23:44] Speaker B: Oh, you like the conflict? You like the conflict. He likes that back and forth that I like. [00:23:49] Speaker A: Yeah. I like discussing things back and forth. [00:23:51] Speaker B: Okay, so let's let these people go. All right, so wrap it up, Mr. Johnson. So get to the final point. [00:23:57] Speaker A: What we've discussed is, like, if they're disagreements, if y' all have something, and regardless of which one of you it is, there's. If one of you is starting to yell or argue, I mean, yell or. [00:24:11] Speaker B: Get out of hand or get emotional or quiet, there's another kind of fighting, and that's the silent treatment. [00:24:17] Speaker A: Yeah, good point. We didn't touch on that one. So how do you tackle the silent treatment treatment? [00:24:25] Speaker B: And you. And just like how, you know, you and I have just done our exchange about what happened. You got. We. You should always go back and a lot of this. There's so much to learn from the conflict. [00:24:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:36] Speaker B: And one of the things. And we would be doing an injustice not to talk about this before we close is that the other thing is, is that you. Very. Well, there's a possibility that both of you could be wrong. [00:24:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. And I was getting ready to say, and if you know that you really are wrong, apologize, Apologize. [00:24:57] Speaker B: And also, don't, you know, listen, Listen for the Holy Spirit. You're going to need the Holy Spirit to navigate your marriage. Like when. Because the Holy Spirit is. Gives us. Reminds us of the word of God, convicts us, and also empowers us. So you're. It gives us vision and understanding. So you're going to need the Holy Spirit to successfully navigate in and through your marriage in a sacred way. [00:25:21] Speaker A: Right. I don't know if you can hear that, but they're working on something downstairs. [00:25:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:25] Speaker A: And it's like the other day, it's like, it was funny because we had our discussion back and forth, whatever, and my daughter was there. So Anna went out to the garage, and Patience said, dad, I didn't tell this to you, but Patience said, dad, you need to stop pacifying mom and baby her like that, letting her have her way. So, so. So I said, patient, I said, there's some things you understand. Sometimes as a man, you have to say, okay, babe, you're right, and let it be that. And she's like. And I showed her. I was like the whole while we were going back and forth with everything. Right. When I said, okay, babe, you're right. What happened? Everything stopped she said, thank you, and she left. [00:26:09] Speaker B: Yeah. Just like that. [00:26:11] Speaker A: Sometimes, you know, that's the other thing. I'm talking to the Nick right now. Sometimes, man, all you have to do is say, okay, babe, you're right. [00:26:21] Speaker B: It's humility. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, you've got to know your partner's ability, how resilient they are at that point of the conflict. Like, I was a little hormonal, so you knew. So you just gave me that grace, you know? But if you're gonna be quiet and if you're gonna say, okay, babe, then you need to be able to say that from a true authentic place and not just a pacifying place. [00:26:47] Speaker A: Right. [00:26:47] Speaker B: Because if you're just trying to pacify, you'll end up being bitter, resentful. [00:26:51] Speaker A: And if you're just doing just for that, then you go right back to the same thing again. [00:26:54] Speaker B: It's gonna build, you know? It's gonna build. You're gonna start to be like, I'm sick and tired of, like, taking it kind of thing. Yeah. So. [00:27:03] Speaker A: So we touched on the Being the silent treatment. We touched on the screen. [00:27:06] Speaker B: Yeah. So. Yeah. And remember that silent treatment, you know, where you're being quiet? That can be. That's. That can be fighting, too. [00:27:15] Speaker A: And what we do when one of us is quiet, we both come like, what's wrong? This is not how you usually act. It's something bothering you. We see something. Don't just go at me like, don't keep saying nothing, nothing. I'm fine. [00:27:27] Speaker B: Nothing. And sometimes I'm silent because I'm trying to not sin. [00:27:31] Speaker A: Right. [00:27:32] Speaker B: So I'm trying to get control over my feelings and maybe some. Because remember, guys, we do have a real enemy. I'm not trying to blame everything on the devil, but we do have a true enemy that tries to twist the communication between a husband and a wife and actually accuse, accuse. Put accusatory statements in our ears about one another. And then we also have our flesh and our past and then just the world messages that are blaring at us. So we have, you know, marriage is a covenantal. Marriage is so sacred, and we really need to learn to resolve conflict because we will have conflict. [00:28:07] Speaker A: Right. [00:28:08] Speaker B: And be unified. [00:28:09] Speaker A: Going to be. [00:28:10] Speaker B: I mean, come on. It goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden when Cain killed Abel. [00:28:14] Speaker A: Right. [00:28:15] Speaker B: There's always conflict. So. [00:28:17] Speaker A: So, yeah, that's it for today's episode. We touched on the main topics and main things that you should do when you have disagreements with your spouse. [00:28:26] Speaker B: Yeah. So no more fighting for the sacred life for the sacred society. No more fighting. Sacred society doesn't fight. We fight. We resolve conflict in a healthy, yes, holy way and fun way too. Yeah. And you can laugh at it, you know, depending on the nature of the conflict. [00:28:44] Speaker A: Right. [00:28:45] Speaker B: And that depended upon the nature of the conflict. So, you know, don't be so serious about everything when it comes to conflict. You, you know, be quick to remember, put the vision and you know, part of the reason why we have conflict is because we don't have a unified vision and the vision trumps everything. [00:29:05] Speaker A: Everything. [00:29:06] Speaker B: The vision that God has placed over your marriage and over your children's life, that trumps everything. [00:29:11] Speaker A: Right. So yeah, so that's it. Thanks for tuning in to the Secret Life podcast. Until next time, love our sacred peace shalom, living a life. The sacred, sacred.